Of Adolescence and Lost Virginity

“Oh, oh, here we go, summer time is here you know! It’s ah holiday, school is closed…..”

That’s the anthem. 18 year olds are finally released from school, or prison as they call it. They’ve completed the second bit of the 8-4-4 school system and to them this just means the whole world to them. Jotieko as my former deputy principal used to call them. They think they’ve made it to the outside world. To the lucky ones, in months time they’ll be proceeding to the university, to the many unlucky ones…especially those who never studied hard, this marks the end of the road. And that’s how far my friendliness towards them goes.

I hate adolescents, especially those who come from the modern day version of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Thuggery. Those who believe that just because they made it out of a rogue institution with the many suspensions and expulsions here and there, that they now own the world. Yes I know I was once an adolescent blahblahblah but c’mon! I know I didn’t behave the way some of them do. Okay maybe I did, but don’t you think we’ve evolved over years for such kind of behaviors.

Which brings me back to the Rambo Kanambo boys that I’d earlier on written about. These boys will ruin your daughters. To them, completing high school simply means freedom to party, drink, have fun and fuck. Sorry I forgot to sensor that ‘F’ word but then again why should I? It’s not like we’re pretending that we don’t know what fuck means. Everybody knows what it means; even the little kids at home know the meaning, both in definition and in the actual act of fucking. Or what do cdwe expect from a society where condom adverts are nowadays advertised right in the middle of a kids’ cartoon program. These kids are being exposed to the fucking world at a very early stage. And again what do we expect when we have a president who has made it clear that in as much as he is failing the country in everything, he has sworn a solemn vow with our kids that before he gets kicked out of office he’ll make sure he has supplied free condoms to every kid that might be interested in fucking the other! Yeah that’s how fucked up this nation is. I think next they’ll change the syllabus to read; A for Apple, B for Boy…C for Condom.

Okay enough with the fucking F word, my apologies to the few reserved fellas that still exist in this fucked up society, and that includes me. We salute you.

Back to the Rambo Kanambo thingy; I repeat, these boys will ruin your daughters. To those of us that completed high school years ago, completing that stage of life and still maintaining your virginity (do boys too have virginisms?) was not a big deal. Some of us even stayed as virgin as the virgin Mary waiting for the holy spirit to come and fuck the virginity out of us and nobody said a thing about it. We weren’t embarrassed at all for our lack of sexual interest. Its only the few lucky spoilt ones who were able to break their forbidden fruits but that was none of our business.

Fast forward to the present day teenager and the word “virginity” has totally lost its meaning. In fact the Oxford fellas should already start thinking of scrapping off that word from the dictionary coz at this rate it might soon be reserved only for the unborn babies. To these kids virginity must be broken before joining high school. If your daughter is lucky enough, then her lucky’ day might come later on in her second or third year of school but either way the cookie has to be broken at one point. To them this is the greatest achievement any teenager of their age can achieve, greater than topping the class or even winning the Science Congress after finally developing a cure to HIV which probably will be the cause of his death years later.

They say boys kiss and tell (this I heard from a certain friend of mine 😉 but I believe the phrase should be updated. Nowadays its not just kissing and telling. It’s about kissing, caressing, stripping, fucking and then taking pictures and posting on instagram for all the world to see. Ilianza na kaselfie; dabotap…some two fat people said so in some song of theirs. Fat people who I also fail to get whatever they sang in that song but at the end of the day its all about singing, it doesn’t matter what you’re singing.

Then comes the Team Mafisi, hyenas, vultures, whatever you may choose to call them. Those that hover around, circling that one pretty girl that has just completed her high school education and is now ‘ripe enough’ to be eaten raw. They probably spotted your daughter years ago when she started growing breasts but by then she was still pretty raw in form one, too skinny to be of any interest. ‘Huyo hana nyama”…that’s what they said at that time. They then gave her a year or two to ‘fatten’ up since they don’t like skinny girls and now their patience has finally paid off, thanks to four years of your daughter feeding on beans and ugali. But I give them some credit though, at least they were gentleman enough to wait till she graduated, not pouncing on her even before she knew how to calculate her monthly periods.

You’ll find them hovering around your home, some making even 10 complete cycles within your estate in a span of one hour, all this time scanning the sorrounding, waiting for you to send your daughter out to the shop or market to buy whatever it is that you need. Then they strike.

Sasa mrembo…” ocha

That’s how the conversation with your daughter will begin. To her it’s just a polite greeting slash compliment coz maybe its long since someone called her beautiful. And so as innocent as she is, she’ll shyly reply to that. How the conversation goes is none of anybody’s business but rest assured that by the time she gets home with that bar soap that you sent her to buy, she’ll be convinced that this guy she met at the shop is the ‘man of her dreams’. He has money, that’s what she’ll believe coz probably this guy bought her three maandazis and airtime worth fifty shillings on condition that she gives him her phone number. He then promised to make her the admin to some whatsapp group that he created and to the naive girl, this is just a lifetime achievement to her. Being an admin at 18! And with that, she welcomed the TeamMafisi guy into her virgin life, the guy who will then run off to his other male friends to brag about her latest conquest. Nyama mbichi or virgin territory, that’s how he’ll save her number in his phone. And on the other hand, she will save his number as ‘Kevo Yout’ coz that’s what they call themselves nowadays.

Days later you notice your daughter excusing herself to go receive anonymous phone calls in her bedroom. These phone calls go late into the night; at times she’ll even skip super all in the name of chatting with this anonymous friend of hers. Then one day she excuses herself from attending the thanksgiving service at church feigning sickness. You’ll then give her some over-the-counter panadol tablets that you normally keep in the house hoping its just a minor headache that will fade away soon and leave for church. Minutes later after you’re gone, she texts the Kevo Yout guy telling him that she’s home alone and in less than ten minutes, Kevo will be at your doorstep. Now whatever two teenagers of the opposite sex might be doing in a closed house all alone for the whole day is pretty obvious but to summarize it, just be sure that Kevo Yout will bang the virginity out of your daughter till she yelps like a mad dog. And oh he he’ll go in freestyle minus any protection, if I may use the language of the ghetto, because he’s sure as hell that your pretty little daughter is still unexplored, too pure to have contracted any form of STI.

Now whats worse, your daughter losing her virginity at an early age, or her losing it right under your own roof, and maybe on your matrimonial bed. By the time you’re back from church, all the stained bed sheets shall have been washed and Kevo Yout will be long gone, and probably that’s the last time your daughter will ever see him coz he shall have moved on to the next virgin in the neighborhood, or probably he’ll be somewhere in some dark alley robbing innocent citizens of their hard earned cash.

Which reminds me, these adolescents are thieves, or robbers…or both. Recently I was walking home at around 9:30pm using the same route I always follow and got ambushed by kids, the Rambo Kanambo type. I could clearly guess their ages from between sixteen to eighteen years and that got me thinking, why does the crime rate always rise whenever these kids are on holiday. At least for us we waited till after the university graduation and then when we lacked a job, that’s when we could think of robbing. But at seventeen years and you’re already robbing me of my Sportpesa money that I just won the other weekend, really? Maybe instead of defending our corrupt Cabinet Secretary who I’m told bought condom dispensers and vibrators for her office, our president should embark on making it compulsory for kids to join the National Youth Service immediately after high school. Maybe with this we’ll have less trouble to deal with as we walk through the valley of the shadow of adolescence.

I can go on and on with my rant on these social misfits but I’ve got to go hustle, bills have to be paid you know. Last month I was locked out of my apartment and I don’t wish for a repeat of that. I’m already six days past the deadline for rent payment. But then again why struggle yet my fellow citizens are very caring people; they can’t let a fellow countryman sleep out in the cold. We are a giving nation right? #WeAreOne…my paybill number’s being processed just in case.

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