Remember the 1920s? And the dinosaurs? And the Agrarian Revolution? Me neither, I don’t remember. I wasn’t there. You weren’t there too, so forget whatever it is that you thought I was going to say next that makes sense about the 1920s. I was just saying things that don’t even have any meaning. But I’m…
“Wee, Gili utakunywa?” “Zii, mi staki, ka mnanunua nunueni tu.” That’s Gilbert, the guy that never wants to contribute money for the drink but will drink his ass off more than even the owners of the drink. And that was the phone call between me and Gilbert, the phone call that ignited everything. You see…
It’s the third week of March, we’re not dead yet. At least I ain’t dead, let me speak for myself. Maybe you’re dead. Me, I’m still alive and kicking (though I don’t even know what I’m kicking) Donald Trump’s still the president over there in the land of Beyonce. Over here across the wall, we’re…
It’s Valentine’s Day again, everyone’s orgasmic about it. Shopping here shopping there, presents here porn there. People are having sex, licking each other while speaking in tongues like it’s some revival. And yes I just had to put the sex part there, last week I got laid, so I can go and tell everybody…I’m the…
Five beers later, I’m on the rooftop. I die tonight. I hate you! I yell. I scratch my face. Take another sip. I swallow… Another sip. This one I spit out. Then I pour some down, libation to the ancestors. One for Biggie Smalls, 2Pac isn’t getting any, I hear he’s still alive in Uganda…
‘Okay’ has been my weekend schedules for the last eighteen months. The deficiency of an alternative being the major reason but I’ve learnt to make do. The popular talk show by this guy who whose name has proved quite a task for this other guy with the ‘oh my’ on this other television station commences…
It’s almost a year since I last scribbled down these streets of WordPress. Since then a lot of things have happened; John Snow died and resurrected, Obama’s daughter finally smoked weed (I always wondered when she would eventually stop being a dickhead and smoke some pot), William Ruto finally stopped calling Raila’s name in every…
It’s chilly outside, nipples everywhere…big nipples, small nipples, stubborn nipples, submissive nipples…nipples everywhere. You sitting on the balcony, wondering what wrong you did to God, where did the rain start beating you? Where did the dry spell start beating you…you’re so sexually starved that you have an orgasm at anything, you even have an orgasm…
You know its really over when you remember the first days.When you first met him in person after you finally answered his text.At first you felt a bit shy; but more comfy later on because he was fun and funny, probably funnier than both Donald Trump and Aden Duale…he made you laugh your soul out…
The last time we talked you were married. You’re still married right huh? Mrs Maina, that’s the name I read on your official documents on the bedside table, just as you slid inside the blanket, the blanket that I lay under, covering my little symbol of manhood. Its little haha, or that’s how you made…
Dear you, you who broke my heart You who dumped me the day you grew breasts, you who who’d kiss me with eyes open and I saw nothing awkward about it. You who I walked with from estate to estate, trying to floss your little butt to the village boys. I hope it’s grown bigger,…
Christmas, glad it’s finally over. The whole Christian world was so orgasmic about the second coming of Jesus Christ. Even those of us who aren’t actually Christians as such were forced to sit and read all their rants on how they planned to spend the twenty fifth day of December. Now I don’t have a…
