“So, do you want a boy? Do you want a girl?”“I don’t know. I just wanted to get drunk, have some fun, and if I get lucky, get laid. Not a baby.” “How long?” I ask her. “Sijui.” Cold reply. Huh? You can’t just say you don’t know. You cannot not know. This is important.…
“My place? Your place? Just be freshly showered and bring your own condom. And if you tell anyone about this, I’ll deny it ever happened.” Story time. So, the Corona virus is here. People are locked indoors with their loved ones trying to stay alive. Those that pray are really doing their best, those that…
Been having a lot of time on my hands lately so I figured out what the heck, why can’t I just write? And by lot of time I mean lots and lots of time. See, the thing is, I’m currently confused between considering myself jobless (consultant) or I’m just totally jobless like other niggas in…
If you’re reading this then I’m probably dead… Okay, what am I even saying? I ain’t dead. Unless if I’m truly dead by the time you read this then I’ll really be dead, which will be an awesome coincidence, right? Otherwise I’m still alive here, I just thought I’d use that death thing as my…
They say it’s a personality thing, but to me beer is best drunk cold, not warm. Some folks like Tusker, I prefer Guinness any day. Some folks like vodka; I’ll take whisky, dry whisky, bitter, and crisp. Not mixed with soda or lime, or any of those things people call chasers. The only thing that…
Am glad you are away I got to listen to Drake and was blown away Haha, I actually deleted your number coz I overwhelmingly panicked that you were still in love with your ex I don’t even know why It broke my heart I guess I always wanted to be that someone to you A…
She emerges from the bedroom, half naked, exhausted, moist sweat all over her body. A smile’s on her face. “That was awesome,” she smiles again as she sips the glass of water. She hasn’t felt that way in a long time. A cool breeze flows in through the open kitchen window, blows gently on her…
Remember the 1920s? And the dinosaurs? And the Agrarian Revolution? Me neither, I don’t remember. I wasn’t there. You weren’t there too, so forget whatever it is that you thought I was going to say next that makes sense about the 1920s. I was just saying things that don’t even have any meaning. But I’m…
“Wee, Gili utakunywa?” “Zii, mi staki, ka mnanunua nunueni tu.” That’s Gilbert, the guy that never wants to contribute money for the drink but will drink his ass off more than even the owners of the drink. And that was the phone call between me and Gilbert, the phone call that ignited everything. You see…
It’s the third week of March, we’re not dead yet. At least I ain’t dead, let me speak for myself. Maybe you’re dead. Me, I’m still alive and kicking (though I don’t even know what I’m kicking) Donald Trump’s still the president over there in the land of Beyonce. Over here across the wall, we’re…
It’s Valentine’s Day again, everyone’s orgasmic about it. Shopping here shopping there, presents here porn there. People are having sex, licking each other while speaking in tongues like it’s some revival. And yes I just had to put the sex part there, last week I got laid, so I can go and tell everybody…I’m the…
Five beers later, I’m on the rooftop. I die tonight. I hate you! I yell. I scratch my face. Take another sip. I swallow… Another sip. This one I spit out. Then I pour some down, libation to the ancestors. One for Biggie Smalls, 2Pac isn’t getting any, I hear he’s still alive in Uganda…
