Dear Diary…

“Wee, Gili utakunywa?” “Zii, mi staki, ka mnanunua nunueni tu.” That’s Gilbert, the guy that never wants to contribute money for the drink but will drink his ass off more than even the owners of the drink. And that was the phone call between me and Gilbert, the phone call that ignited everything. You see…

Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me.

It’s the third week of March, we’re not dead yet. At least I ain’t dead, let me speak for myself. Maybe you’re dead. Me, I’m still alive and kicking (though I don’t even know what I’m kicking) Donald Trump’s still the president over there in the land of Beyonce. Over here across the wall, we’re…

Of Mum, Sex and Overated Valentine’s

It’s Valentine’s Day again, everyone’s orgasmic about it. Shopping here shopping there, presents here porn there. People are having sex, licking each other while speaking in tongues like it’s some revival. And yes I just had to put the sex part  there, last week I got laid, so I can go and tell everybody…I’m the…

Death Of A Bachelor

Five beers later, I’m on the rooftop. I die tonight. I hate you! I yell. I scratch my face. Take another sip. I swallow… Another sip. This one I spit out. Then I pour some down, libation to the ancestors. One for Biggie Smalls, 2Pac isn’t getting any,  I hear he’s still alive in Uganda…

Guest Post: Let Me Get My Own

‘Okay’ has been my weekend schedules for the last eighteen months. The deficiency of an alternative being the major reason but I’ve learnt to make do. The popular talk show by this guy who whose name has proved quite a task for this other guy with the ‘oh my’ on this other television station commences…

Gay Jokes Aren’t Funny, Cum on Guys!

It’s almost a year since I last scribbled down these streets of WordPress. Since then a lot of things have happened; John Snow died and resurrected, Obama’s daughter finally smoked weed (I always wondered when she would eventually stop being a softie and smoke some pot), William Ruto finally stopped calling Raila’s name in every…

Blah Blah Blah, You Talk Too Much!

The other day I finally got a job, or rather let me say somebody in the HR finally got to sit and read past the ‘Personal Detail’ of my four page CV and decided to hire me. To me that was the best thing to happen so far this year considering that since the beginning…